Friday, January 05, 2007

New Years Resolutions 2007

This year I will:

  • Discover a continent
  • Acquire, and then cure myself of, a learning disability. One of the sexy ones.
  • Take up smoking
  • Breed a race of genetically-modified supermen moulded in my terrible image and then have them take over the United Nations one committee at a time. Their capacity to initiate procedural motions will leave all powerless before their awesome bureaucratic prowess. Also, I’ll give them guns.
  • Float the peso (on melted garlic butter)
  • Write a best-selling novel about an old man who loses his dentures under some sofa cushions and, in searching for them, finds two 20c pieces, some old toast and the love of a Portuguese circus-performer with no armpits.
  • Cross-pollinate with a sun flower. A hot one, naturally.
  • Walk everywhere (except when I’m tired, in a hurry, disinclined or when it’s simply impractical or otherwise inconvenient)
  • Adopt a llama (to be named ‘Pascal Cetacean’), shave it all over, train it to walk on two feet and then enrol it in primary school.
  • Develop and market-test my own brand of crabapple-flavoured potato crisps.
  • Return Samoa to the Germans.
  • Evaporate


Spike said...

When you discover this continent you must name everything after your mates and then the ship's cat like all them explorers did.

Lulu said...

(Hi, I`m Lulu...Some people like to be introduced... and since this is the first time I am commenting on your blog and all it seems appropriate. *shakes hands*)

I like the idea of adopting a llama (and then sending it to school). You can rent dogs at a place in Tokyo by the hour. Take them for walks or do whatever. They might have a llama set up like that somewhere? Something to look into perhaps.

...and I think the best selling novel idea could be a hit!! Good luck with your resolutions. Mine is to save money...and trust me you are more likely to acheive all of your before i acheive mine!

Ps: The idea of whale sushi makes me feel slightly ill. I am yet to eat whale meat.

Galaxy said...

Go with Asperger's, not a learning disability, true, but so much sexier. You get to tell everybody how smart you are and be very rude about it.

Happy New Year!

Plum's Penny Dreadful said...

like the crab-apple chip idea, but don't quite see the point in the llama. Do you knit? Do you want a child? I mean, what is the motivation here??

elsewhere said...

oh at last. someone with more ambitious NY resolutions than self.

P.S. Lulu is not my cat, as far as I know.

And thanks for nominating me for the Prom Queen Awards -- I would have nominated you but you beat me to it!

Goal Guru said...


Can I have your llama after you evaporate? I heard they are great pets.



redcap said...

Didn't Gabriel Garcia Marquez beat you to writing that novel? I think he might also own the patent on shaved llamas and crapabble crisps. Sorry, I meant crabapple.

meva said...

My NY resolutions have already evaporated. But I ate too many salty crisps and, sadly, I'm still here. But a puff of smoke is still likely.

David J said...

Discover a continent what?