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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

You know who I feel sorry for?

Me. Also:

All the poor people of the globe without espresso machines or woolen carpets.

Also: the unfortunate drug-dealer who, when faced with a hard-core trafficker, his murderous bodyguards and his suit-case full of cash, slapped down Schappelle Corby’s boogie board...

* * *

Anyone with a blog knows the peculiarly loathsome cum-stains who surf up courtesy of Google (and Christ knows I sincerely regret ever using the word ‘goat’ in a post.)

But some of these buggers are truly mystifying.

This is my favourite Whale-Sushi-bound google search: “Mangos creatures using spells”.

Now, as you know, I’m a very intelligent and witty guy with a brain the size of a huge brain-sized walnut but really, I’m buggered if I can work that out.

Mangos creatures using spells. I hope you got what you came for. Go with God, my son.

* * *

I don’t want to blow my own drum or bang my own horn. (No blowing or banging please, we’re Canberrans). But who else in the world has parents who ring up and say: ‘you know we’re flying to Paris tomorrow?’

No, I didn’t. Fuckers.

* * *

The other day I was pondering a joke I’ve never really understood. The first time I encountered it was in reading the Adelaide Uni student newspaper many years ago.
There was a joke about a raffle…

First prize: dinner with the Vice-Chancellor.
Second prize: two dinners with the Vice-Chancellor! (yuk-yuk)

Now, I get that the V-C is not a popular guy and dinner with him is not all that appealing. But really, it makes no sense and not in a good way.

Or am I just being a pretentious, pedantic, humourless turd?

Huh. You know who I feel sorry for?

(Damn, that was a chatty post. I’m a regular chatty Kathy. With a penis.)

4 comments:

hazelblackberry said...

You're not a humourless turd, WS, but come on, that's such an old joke: the first prize is no prize at all and the second prize is doubly so.

When you have to explain it...

Tsk! And might I add: TSK!!!

Here's a joke I first saw as a little kid and never got but suddenly it dawned on me about 10 years later in the middle of a maths exam and I guffawed most loudly (even though the joke is seriously weak):

Q: What can you part with but never give away?
A: A comb.

The Man at the Pub said...

The lack of good coffee at home around the world is a troubling issue.

Did you know that for as little as $2.50 a day, you can buy an African family a soy latte! I think it's run by NesFam or something.

Oh and there may be an element of pretentious, pedantic, humourless turdism going on here. I get the joke, it's just not very funny. See you in the turd lounge! (Remember to wipe your feet)

Jo said...

My Dad's favourite riddle when I was a kid:

Q: What's the difference between a duck?

A:: Because one leg is both the same.

I used to piss myself.

jessie mo said...

wow. profound. this website continues to impress.