Ask Whale Sushi

Q: Dear Whale Sushi. How do I become a great writer? Please note that I am 47 so I do not like the idea of a long apprenticeship. Also I do not want to work too hard or tap deep personal feelings because I find the whole idea embarrassing. Impatient of Isabella Plains.

A: Dear Impatient. It’s often said that ‘a writer writes, always.’ However I’m unconvinced by this. It’s so hit or miss. And it says nothing about greatness. I would say: ‘a great writer writes great stuff at least some of the time, frequently writes quite good stuff and hardly every produces crap or not so you’d notice.’ I think if you abide by this rule you can’t go wrong. I expand upon this in my book Simple Solutions to Difficult Problems which is available in some good bookstores.

Q: Dear Whale Sushi. I googled ‘whale’ and ‘sushi’ just to see what would turn up and your ‘blog’ appeared. What gives? Do you really make sushi from whales? Isn’t that a terrible waste of a beautiful creature? Random Googler of Reid.

A: Dear Random Googler. You wouldn’t ask your final question if you had tasted whale sushi. It’s marvellous and craps all over tuna. They’re not really that beautiful, let's face it, and speculation about their intelligence is just that. I think deep down you suspect what I'm saying is true otherwise you wouldn't be googling those two search terms. Next try 'owl' & 'terrine'.